Is wanting to hide in your apartment and cry all day a good excuse for skipping my classes?

Didn’t think so. *sigh*

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Finished leg day

So I’ve noticed my leg days are getting shorter but I’ve been doing a lot more. I’ve increased each of my squats (normal squats, reverse squats, one leg raised squats or whatever they are called, etc…) and intensity of all my other leg workouts so you’d think it would take me longer? Guess not. I think I just don’t need as much of a break in between my workouts. Or something else? Who knows…just happier I’m doing more.

Also I hope I didn’t slack through this workout because I don’t feel winded and dead…which is probably not so much as a bad thing lol but that’s usually what happens…but there are nights like these where this happens (rarely) I’m not sweating a lot and I’m sore but not out of breath wobbling every where asking if there’s a god Lol.

I guess some days you can do more some days you can do less. I mean, I definitely put work in because I had to skip my jumping squats because by the time I got to those I went to jump in the air and my body was concrete…so yeah lol it’s not only too late for that, but I shouldn’t be jumping around after eating soup.

Also an update on the issue I was having earlier…I’m gonna go to bed! My fiance has to be up early so he said he’d help me if I try to sleep through my alarm and I think I may have hit a dead end with this poem so tomorrow I’ll wake up early and if I’m still having trouble I just start from scratch and research it more…either way with a good night’s rest I don’t think I’ll have to resort to that.

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Leg day and other questions

So today’s leg day. It’s 11:21pm and I just finished dinner -_- lol soooo yeah I’m always out of wack when I neglect a homework assignment.

My fiance got home and made us some chicken soup…by the time it was done boom it was 11pm lol.

I’ve been working on the is annotation all afternoon up to before I started eating my late ass dinner, and I’m going to work out in 10-20 minutes then after that I’m either gonna go to sleep or stay up and finish this annotation…

So what do you guys think? Stay up for another 2 hours and get this shit done or go to bed and wake up early?

Either way I’m sleep deprived…it’s just that option A could be the lesser of two evils because there’s no garuntee that I won’t sleep through my alarm tomorrow morning…but then again option B is better because if I fall asleep at 12 or 1 and sleep until 8 or 9am…I could feel better and look at my assignment with fresh eyes….idk Idk lol

Annotations usually don’t take me this long, I’m very good with reading and analyzing poetry…if you look at my library at home it looks like someone attempted to slaughter my books with red pen (my mind never rests lol)…but this has to be the most confusing poem I have ever read ugjdnbdbdbnsnksiudj it’s driving me fucking nuts.

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No one has ever gotten healthier by feeling worse about themselves. Mark Sisson


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Long time no speak

Sorry I’ve been MIA guys but I promise I’ve been up to good things.

I’ve been working out more and eating better food! My fiance got all the ingredients we’d need for some home made sushi, then we made it. I also tried out some new smoothie recipes, and we also finally got rice wraps so I can FINALLY make spring rolls!

I will say my mood towards myself has been all over the place lately though. Day before yesterday I felt great! I was ‘trying’ to take butt progress photos, I was telling my fiance how I can definitely feel how strong I am now, I was looking in the mirror more with good feelings and seeing progress everywhere.

Yesterday was kinda bleh. I woke up and didn’t feel so hot so I decided since we are going out to today (we went to a local Latin Music Fest) I should put on some hot red lipstick, so I did. But still the makeup and self love talk didn’t really help.

We ended going to this beautiful flower garden that was close to the fest and I thought since me and my fiance aren’t normally in places like this I should have maria take pictures of us, not just a selfie lol. It was safe to say I hated almost all of them. They made me feel so bad about myself and last time I took pics like that with my sister they all came out great.

Idk I still have a little bruised ego over the pictures, and I hate being so self conscious, it almost makes me want to barf when I complain so much but I feel like it’s something I’ve gotten a lot better at and if I play my cards right today it’ll be something I’ll get over by the end of the morning.

Everyone takes photos of themselves they hate and idc how small I got, I would take a hundred photos until I found one I liked perfectly lol. That’s just always been me. So when I say I’ve gotten a lot better, I know I have.

Losing weight isn’t going to bring this ‘omg I feel so beautiful’ feeling and anyone who tells you that has never been to both ends of the spectrum. I felt a new sense of confidence but with no real self love there I ended up hating myself more in the end and no progress was good enough because no matter how hard I worked the work wasn’t good enough.

But I’m working my ass off now (literally) and I’ve never been so appreciative of myself. I know I’ve been working so hard and it’s slow progress but awesome progress and I couldn’t be more thankful that I am strong enough to stick with it and work through all my crappy feelings and crappy habits!

So I skipped a workout yesterday because I was tired after spending the whole day out and not really eating a lot, so today I’m going to do some light yoga and a leg day 😊

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Strengthen My Soul.